I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
