You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
