Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
