Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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