Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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