I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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