you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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