in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
