Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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