he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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