Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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