You work out of a Hotel?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
