Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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