My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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