I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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