I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
