I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
