why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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