I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
