Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
