You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
