So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize