You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
