what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
