i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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