We need to rekindle our bromance
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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