I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
