What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
