He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
