You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
