i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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