carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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