This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
