i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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