driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
