WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
