I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
