in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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