dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
