dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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