The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
they need to just BURY HIM!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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