Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We need to get me chipped asap
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
