just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
