somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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