I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
