I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize