All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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