Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
