dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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