her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
