thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
