ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
