): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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