Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
