Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
