It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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