turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
