Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
