well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You took a bar mat shot.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have already put on my inside pants.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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