Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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