i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize