whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
