i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
