Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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