Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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