hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
