lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
