I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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