Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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