i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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