i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
