I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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