I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
