i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
